I molested 6 butterflies tonight
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
As shirtless as possible
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
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