I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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