i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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