someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Randomize
