we have officially lost it.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
