I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
