In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
