what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
