You work out of a Hotel?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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