I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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