Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
