I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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