Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
