She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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