Sry I called you an 8
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
