I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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