My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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