I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
