wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
