she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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