After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
