Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
