I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
