Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
