Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Life is so much better after having sex.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
