It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
