ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
