My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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