We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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