"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
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Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
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When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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