Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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