Umm I'm too high to move.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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