If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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