Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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