got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
