If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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