Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
