burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize