The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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