Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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