Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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