I wish I only lived at night.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
