The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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