I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
