genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
