Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
