I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
