He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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