I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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