He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
