i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Randomize
