i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
