k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
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