I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
