Got a toothbrush?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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