I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize