what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
