so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
