I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You ate ashes out of my bong
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
