i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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