Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
be right there i have to get my cape
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
